The list of losses inside the sermons pew does not concede to one, but the passing of my dog seems the worst. Discarded sense of literal, maybe I never met the pew for his burial, but no reason for a formal wave goodbye for something as simple as a pet. Still his death meant so much, because I watched it pass. Death, as displayed on screen, is not an easy thing with which to cope, not a two line movie conversation. It’s never quite as glorious as the war depictions show, nor as happy as the medicated comedies. To feel the reality of life disposed, it must touch basis with your heart, not like a movie will, but rather from a touch given by that of someone you where close too. The same it did when he passed. Once you’ve felt the end so close upon your heart, you then begin to question what it’s all for. You hope the best for the passed away connections, but can’t guarantee your wants. When he died I watched his eyes, and they didn’t even close. No signs of souls torn free to float too heaven, but I guess it was never predicted for my dog. Left out perhaps the implications of dog heaven, much the same to ours. If the chance where real, did he find his way? Is he there now enjoying all his time. In me I will always hope hes found some sort of heaven, but without having passed with him, I could never understand where he is now.

I feel the same kind of pain and thought for family losses as I did for him. Questioned the chances of an afterlife condition as beautiful as it sounds. Want the best for them. They always say they’re waiting for you up in heaven, but what if their claim to perfect was different from my own? Would they have been sent into a different version, or do you find all the loves you lost in yours even if they’re in another? Then they’ll reside as just quaint representations of the ones you remembered. It might seem suffice to see them in that light, but it kind of kills the “I’ll see you again”. Literally yes you will, but technically it seems life takes this one against you. Seems it will have replaced what you used to know, with what you will simply recognize. This will satisfy you, and you may not even know the difference, but lies are always hard to spot. Seems we’ll be taken for a fool if heaven does exist unless, as I believe, heaven already exists inside of us. You can never be a fool within your own memories.

“The white of everything shined bright in front of me. Maybe there was a heaven to find. Maybe heaven was not an after death experience but rather moments of perfection graced inside your life. Can only hope that in death your sent to live within those times, the rest of your life in heaven held by memory. A nice compliment to life”

This passage grown from my own hands is where I began to find my way. The character succumbed to realize the possibility of what heaven might really be. As we pass through our days, we combine our senses to form recollection of the times we’ve had. Everyone we’ve loved holds multiple afflictions within our memories. You can’t shake the things that helped shape you, nor destroy the things that help you to smile. All those times under sunlit promises scattered along the lines into your past. Follow them closely and you’ll see how much of them are you. How much every second you remember really means. Even dreams stick with us, as they overtake our sleep. Nightmares the other side to the spectrum. All of it to shape us. Sure not all our past is pleasant, regret will always find its place. Loss of a loved one also sad. Even the worst of things have their silver linings though. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to you nothing but your own memories will shine quite as bright.

We work to create all these times as we pass through life. Then death finds the better of your world, no way around its pull. The people watch as your caskets lowered, their prayers fallen with you. Your mind though, even dead, I still believe will play. Your soul the power to its screen. As you lay within your final sleep, you watch as memories recollect inside your eyes. From day one till the final sunset, you watch all you have remembered, and it’s beautiful to you. You realize this is a heaven in a sense. Stuck within the happiness you’d long forgotten. The scenes may even be relived to an in depth constriction. The senses overpowered by what you remember as you reach the touch of loved ones closely. Your eyes may read from first person holdings, or maybe from the side. Either way your heart is kept alive as it warms and beats against your memories. This is why in the end you will see your loved ones again, it was not a lie at all. Just under a different light. Any light with them will be well spent.

I can’t forget though, the other side. Strangely enough, as good as heaven sounds, it’s not hard to create a world more perfect than our own. Crime combusted in an entirety around the world, with war scorched pasts from every culture. Screams of buried soldiers who never found their heaven, because we commanded them to hell in battle. Can’t have heaven without hell. Takes the opposite to understand the extremities of the beauty that is heaven. How many have found hell though that have been promised of a heaven. How many have we lied into our minds, really found themselves within the burnings of a fire. It like heaven is hard to fathom, and also hard to prove. It seems though, that if my beliefs where true, hell would not be made of fire, but rather the burns of your regret. You live a life of simple selfishness while hurting those around, then all your memory reads are those times of your imperfection. You must sit inside the scenes of all you’ve done without a happy time to find. Freeze in your own dedication towards the top, just to end at the bottom of our prayers. Enjoy the walls abound your chest, they’ll always hold like the shield you kept between the contact of all those who tried to love you.

My eyes closed as I searched for sleep
the afterlife made by memories
a piece it seems, both of heaven and hell
I’ve done some good, yet bad as well
and now I’ll live inside these times forever